Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
