Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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