you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
