Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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