I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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