I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
