mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
