Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
