There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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