I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
