I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
