How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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