Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
