Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
