do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
