I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
