I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
