it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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