I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
