please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
