You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
