I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
