..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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