I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
