Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
