its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
