Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
