it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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