I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
