So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
