He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
