So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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