Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
