Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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