it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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