When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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