Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
