If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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