In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
