You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
