oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
pray to the hookup gods
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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