i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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