you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
