You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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