tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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