and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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