nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
