to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
