I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
