I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Randomize
