So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
