As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
