i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
