He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
