dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
