shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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